That is a set of very very good questions. I think no, it should logically NOT be this hard, so something is wrong with the logic we are using. I do not think non-existence is a serious option .. having seen 2 on different occasions, it is not an option I, personally, can take seriously. If I were hallucinating, how did I hallucinate what Roger and Bob filmed when I'd never seen the film? I do not think we are incompetent. I believe we are, as your question asks, focused on the smoke and not the fire. It is about the only thing that makes sense.
So the question I'm left with is ... what is the fire? To me that suggests our assumptions are wrong. Possibly the ones we speak are correct but the ones we act are wrong. Perhaps we do not know how to do the thing we should do so we cling to the thing we know how to do and pretend they are one and the same.
What it means is that our efforts are off target and will never get us to where we are trying to go in any systematic way, the only thing continuing the search does is keep us out giving serendipity a chance.
.. it's the best I've got.
MIB